


If I'm the Tin Woodsman, what does that make you?

by msraven



Series: Heart of Gold [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-04
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 14:11:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msraven/pseuds/msraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fact that under Special Agent Clint "Hawkeye" Barton's deadly sniper/assassin exterior lay a heart of gold was one of SHIELD HQ's worst kept secrets.  It ranked up there with Fury's near-crippling addiction to chocolate, Coulson's non-marriage to Barton, Hill's tendency to knit cozies for her various weapons, and Romanov's founding of the CFB Orphanage Fund.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The CFBOF

**Author's Note:**

> May contain unintentional spoilers for the movie.

The fact that under Special Agent Clint "Hawkeye" Barton's deadly sniper/assassin exterior lay a heart of gold was one of SHIELD HQ's worst kept secrets. It ranked up there with Fury's near-crippling addiction to chocolate, Coulson's non-marriage to Barton, Hill's tendency to knit cozies for her various weapons, and Romanov's founding of the CFB Orphanage Fund. 

If pressed, no member of SHIELD would admit to any knowledge of the fund. This was regardless of the quarterly donation drives or that the top tier of SHIELD HQ all worked for the CFBOF. Clint approved all recipients, Phil handled the distribution of grants, Nick managed the long-term investments, and Maria ran oversight over the grant money spent. Natasha, appropriately, organized all the donation drives that everyone promptly forgot about once they handed over their cash. And while Clint being a favorite amongst most of SHIELD's staff was great for garnering donations, everyone knew not to cross Natasha's need to maintain her Black Widow persona. 

So yes, the existence of the CFBOF and the reasons behind it were a secret. A secret that was so widely known throughout SHIELD that it never occurred to Phil that the other Avengers would know nothing about it. 

In true Avengers style, the team discovering the secret everyone already knew, came not with a whimper, but with a very large bang.


	2. The Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Voice was equal parts quiet calm and confidence - often at odds with Clint's usual, cocky demeanor. Phil had seen it in action enough times for it to earn a title in his internal filing system. It encouraged you to trust. Soothed you into a feeling of safety.

A lot of unexpected things happened on even the most routine missions. Often, it was many, many unexpected things. This was a fact of life that all SHIELD agents lived with. It never made the aftermath any easier.

Doombots terrorizing a small town in middle America should have been a simple smash and dash for the Avengers. What nobody expected was for the local Army base to try and help by firing missiles into the middle of the fray. The doombots managing to deflect two of the missiles into a building behind SHIELD's perimeter wasn't overly surprising. That half the building served as an orphanage was just bad luck.

There was a quiet horror in Clint's voice when he'd announced, "Jesus...the orphanage hasn't been evac'd. Moving position to aid with the evac."

"Hawkeye-" Steve started to protest. Phil glanced up and met Sitwell's eyes in surprise. Oh crap.

"Affirm," Coulson quickly interjected. 

They had come to a tacit agreement that Captain America gave in-field orders with Coulson only stepping in if he had a better view of the situation from C&C. In this instance, Phil could see that Barton had already started moving and the last thing the team needed was to see what would happen if Cap tried to order Hawkeye not to help a group of orphans. 

"These bots don't look capable of flight, Cap. We'll send a team of agents up to Hawkeye's previous position as backup, but he's currently the agent closest to the scene." It wasn't a lie. Phil waited for a nod and a hand signal from Sitwell before he continued. "Agents with evac vehicles also headed your way, Hawkeye. Five minutes out."

"Hawkeye on site and heading in," came the report from Clint. "Looks like only the north side of the building was hit. Orphanage looks undamaged for now."

"Building is scanning stable," offered Stark. "JARVIS says it's not likely to come down soon, but I wouldn't dawdle."

"Roger that," replied Clint and they all waited for the reprimand to come. Cap didn't disappoint.

"I don't remember ordering Iron Man to the secondary site."

"Yeah, yeah," said Tony as he started to circle around the orphanage. "What Coulson said. Most of the bots are already down. I was getting bored anyway."

"That doesn't mean -" Steve started to retort before he stopped himself. "Permission to move to secondary site granted. We'll discuss field assessments and chain of command at the debrief."

With that out of the way, Phil adjusted the various video feeds on scene to keep one eye on the fight and the other on the evac. It looked like there was a steady stream of children and caretakers calmly walking out into the street, with Clint standing at the door with a kind-looking woman holding a clipboard. Coulson idly wondered if this was something he should record for the next mandatory evacuation drill at SHIELD HQ. 

He glanced back over when the evac vehicles arrived and realized that the didn't have eyes on Hawkeye. The fire was spreading from the north side of the building towards the orphanage and Phil could only assume that the agent was inside.

"Barton, talk to me."

"Two kids unaccounted for. Heading up to make a sweep."

"Stark?" prompted Coulson.

"Fire's messing with the heat sensors," replied Iron Man. "Don't think I can help narrow down the search right now. JARVIS is trying to recalibrate."

There was a sudden, loud rumbling noise followed by a cloud of dust pouring out of the building.

"Barton," Phil called out while pulling up the feed from Hawkeye's glasses. The glasses, now a part of Clint's field uniform, was a product of one too many close calls and SHIELD's unwillingness to risk their agent's eyesight. They were designed by Stark not to interfere with any part of Hawkeye's vision and provided a different (often better) view of the action compared to the high altitude drones they deployed. Barton continued to deny Stark's attempts to add an AI interface into the glasses. 

"Whatever that was, it was below me," reported Clint. "Floor shook some, but otherwise good. Continuing sweep."

The feed showed a succession of doorway and wall-to-wall visuals. To the casual observer, it looked like nothing but a cursory sweep of the, but Phil new Hawkeye wasn't missing anything. Then there was a quick flick up and down the stairs as Clint ran up to the next floor.

"Looks like I no longer have a way back down," came the quick assessment. Phil had to marvel, he'd seen nothing but smoke.

"One of the interior walls came down and took some of stairs with them," offered Stark. "Unsure of the continued structural integrity of the building. Wanna hurry it up a little?"

"Will need a rooftop evac," said Clint, purposely ignoring the other question.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be here."

"Is JARVIS having any luck...Oh there you are sweetheart." 

Clint's voice had changed suddenly from soldier to the soft, caring tone he used with children, animals, and the Hulk. Coulson knew that the archer would have his hands out and open, leaving his comm open so Phil could stay apprised of the situation. There was a quick view of the underside of a bed on the screen before the glasses were flipped up and all Phil saw was the ceiling. 

"Are you talking to me, Barton?" snarked Stark. "Is that your bedroom voice? Cuz I have to say -"

"Shut it Stark!" Tony wisely heeded Natasha's reprimand and Clint ignored them both. 

"You must be Cassie. My name is Clint. Is this your little brother, Brendan? Mrs. Evans asked me to help find you since she had to stay with the other kids." 

Phil couldn't help a small smile from slipping out. The Voice was equal parts quiet calm and confidence - often at odds with Clint's usual, cocky demeanor. Phil had seen it in action enough times for it to earn a title in his internal filing system. It encouraged you to trust. Soothed you into a feeling of safety. He'd once watched Barton talk down a suicidal father who'd stumbled onto one of his perches and, perhaps most memorably, was the time he'd kept Hulk from smashing a group of too-familiar looking army vehicles. Clint never used The Voice to instill a false sense of trust. If he used it, you could be guaranteed that he'd do everything in his power to stand between you and harm. Phil always wondered if it was The Voice that had brought Black Widow to SHIELD.

"She told me how great of a big sister you are. That you'd keep Brendan safe."

"Are you freaking kidding me?!!" Tony suddenly screeched through the comm and Phil instinctively flinched away from his earpiece. Barton's quiet discussion with the little girl didn't falter.

"I know it's scary - coming to a new place and meeting so many new people. But it's been nice here with Mrs. Evans, right?"

"JARVIS finished scanning the building," continued Iron Man urgently. "Only one of the missiles that hit the buildings detonated. Missiles and fire don't mix well. You gotta get out of there Hawkeye."

The noise within C&C intensified as everyone around Phil jumped into action. He heard junior agents urging the evac vehicles to get a move on, while others frantically tried to figure out what missiles had been fired and estimate the blast radius. Through the din, Coulson could hear Clint's steady discussion with the little girl and Sitwell not so calmly berating the commander who had ordered the original missile strike. 

"There's live ordnance in the building? Hulk, Black Widow - finish up here. Hawkeye, Iron Man - I'm moving to your position. Thor - you're with me." Cap's voice was tinged with concern.

"I spent some time in a home just like this," Clint continued. "It helps when you have each other to watch out for. From what I can see, you're doing a great job even though I know you're scared."

Coulson watched as Hulk and Black Widow dispatched the last of the doombots while Cap and Thor took off running towards the orphanage. Even from C&C, Natasha's movements looked a little frantic as she tried to hide her concern at the unfolding disaster.

"Iron Man," prompted Coulson for everyone's sake, "can JARVIS estimate how much time before the missile goes?"

Barton's voice continued through the comm and Phil took whatever comfort from it he could. "Why don't I make a deal with you, Cassie? You focus on keeping your brother safe and I'll keep you safe? Can you let me do that for you?" 

"Hard to tell for sure," came the response from Tony. "We don't have specifics on what they shot in there." 

"Can you come with me and let me take you somewhere safe?" Almost there, thought Phil. 

Sitwell started relaying what information they'd gotten to Stark. Coulson fought the urge to start tapping his pen against the desk in front of him as his brain supplied a nagging tick, tick, tick in his head. 

"Okay, Cassie? Good. Thank you." There was a rustle of movement over the comm and Phil let himself relax a little. 

"Iron Man to the roof," ordered Coulson. He glanced over to see a blur as Hawkeye flipped his glasses back down and started to run out of the room and up the stairs.

Phil eyes switched to a different screen and watched as Iron Man touched down on the roof, Clint bursting through the stairway access doors a few seconds later. He was carrying what looked like a two and five year old in his arms with his quiver and bow safely strapped across his back. The little girl looked like she was trying to absorb herself into Clint as they approached Tony.

"Hey, hey. Cassie, this is my friend Tony. I promise he's not as scary as he looks." Hawkeye gave a slight tilt to his head that Tony understood enough to flip up his faceplate.

"Uh, hi." Tony was clearly uncomfortable with kids this small. "Want to go for a ride?"

The wide-eyed little boy was easily transferred onto one of Iron Man's arms, but Cassie continued to cling to Clint and forced him to pull away a bit so he could look the girl in the eye.

"Remember what I said about taking care of your brother?" Cassie nodded. "Well Brendan's going with Tony, so you need to go too, okay? You need to stay with him to keep him safe. I promise I'll come find you as soon as I can." 

Cassie and Clint gave each other one more fierce hug before she acquiesced into Tony's other arm. Phil wondered if the siblings were getting added to The List and made a mental note to look up their backgrounds along with who currently funded the small orphanage. For now, he watched through Barton's eyes as Tony lifted off with the two kids and Cassie's concerned frown slowly disappeared from view. 

Once Iron Man was well clear of the building, Hawkeye walked to one side of the roof and looked down. Coulson knew the archer wouldn't be happy. Contrary to what most people believed, Barton did not make a habit of throwing himself off buildings haphazardly. He never took that leap without having at least one, or often three, other options for slowing his fall beyond one of the Avengers catching him. It had nothing to do with not trusting his team. It had everything to do with deeply ingrained training and first hand experience that having multiple exit strategies was often what separated great agents from dead ones. 

Having multiple exit points was high on Clint's requirements for a good perch. It had been a source of contention early in his recruitment to SHIELD with his handlers disliking when he moved from his designated post and Clint not verbalizing why. It took Coulson months of careful prodding and reviewing of mission reports, eventually leading to the notation in Barton's file that he be allowed to choose his perch without question. This was a much simpler solution than actually trying to define what the former circus performer considered viable exits off a perch. 

The roof of the orphanage was not a chosen perch and, as far as Phil could tell, there was only one option for a speedy exit. They'd have time later to question why anyone would house an orphanage in a multi-story building without a fire escape.

"Gonna need a hand down," requested Hawkeye. Steve and Thor looked to the roof from where they'd been herding people outside the expected impact zone. 

"Hawkeye!" yelled Tony. "JARVIS says you need to get off that roof NOW."

"Jump, Mighty Hawk, and I will catch you," called Thor.

Coulson watched the archer put his foot to the edge of the roof and hesitate.

"Jump, Hawkeye," ordered Steve. 

Only Phil would have seen the barely-there glance to where Barton knew the drones were watching.

"Not even close to the worse you've done, Barton. Jump." 

Unfortunately, what little luck they'd had chose this moment to run out. The missile reached critical temp and blew. With some of the interior walls already down, the explosion met limited resistance as it blew through and out of the building. The force of the blast hit Hawkeye as he was falling by a window. Everyone watched in horror as it flung him, now unconscious, away from the building and just out of Thor's reach.

Clint had jumped because Phil told him to and Phil forgot how to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. I forgot how bad I am at writing "action" sequences. Hope it wasn't horrible.


	3. The List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint has a list, The List. There are currently 7 names on this list. They're children - most are in foster care, two are in a small, private orphanage - that Clint personally keeps tabs on. There were originally 5 names and it was once as high as 9, but some of the kids have gotten adopted into good homes and others have gotten too old to be on The List. He keeps in contact with all of the kids that have ever been on The List and he's put 6 of them through college on his own dime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My own little backstory for how Clint joined SHIELD. I also snuck in my fix-it. 
> 
> I apologize if I messed up some of the military related items.

Phil hated days like today. Days when he had to remind himself why SHIELD and the Avengers were necessary. Days when he had to re-convince himself why he believed in heroes. Days when he regretted ever setting eyes on one Clinton Francis Barton.

No, never that, thought Phil. There could never be days bad enough for him to wish for that. As much as he hated watching the man he loved laying so still in a hospital bed, as much as he tended to blame himself for putting him there, Phil could never give back all the good days in between. 

Alone next to the infirmary bed, Phil leaned his elbows against his knees and let his head drop with a sigh. It could have been so much worse. Phil had watched Clint fly through the air like a rag doll and had a second for an image of the archer's silly grin to flash through his mind before there was a sudden flash of green on the monitors. By the time Coulson had stumbled out of command into the street, Hulk was there gently holding a bloody body toward him saying "help friend?"

The door opened suddenly and Phil automatically sat up. He just managed not to roll his eyes when he saw Captain America.

"Is it your turn to try and get me to leave?" Coulson asked. Natasha had already tried and failed. 

"Um, no, actually." Cap instead pulled over a second chair and set it next to Phil's. "I was hoping you'd let me sit with you for a little while."

Phil raised a skeptical eyebrow, but nodded toward the chair. Steve had a thoughtful look on his face as he sat down. 

"Was there something you wanted, Steve?"

"I was hoping," Cap started shyly. "I was hoping you could tell me a little more about Clint."

Coulson wasn't expecting that. "You have his file."

"That's just ink on paper. I want to know about Clint and, before you suggest it, no, I don't think this is something I should ask him. Not because I think he'd lie, but because I think he'd leave stuff out that he wouldn't think mattered."

Phil had to give Steve credit for reading Clint so well after only knowing him a short time. "Why now?"

"Because he's sedated in a hospital bed and you're not planning going anywhere until he wakes up." Phil smiled at that. "And because what he did out there, with those kids, was pretty amazing and I get the feeling it wasn't a surprise to anyone but us."

"None of you have been with SHIELD for very long," Phil offered. Steve waited for him to continue. Phil pondered for a brief moment if he was betraying a confidence, but realized that Cap's original assessment was correct. Clint wasn't hiding anything, he just never thought it was important enough to share.

"Clint has a list, The List. There are currently 7 names on The List. They're children - most are in foster care, but two are in a small, private orphanage - that Clint personally keeps tabs on. There were originally 5 names and it was once as high as 9, but some of the kids have gotten adopted into good homes and others have gotten too old to be on The List. He keeps in contact with all of the kids that have ever been on The List and he's put 6 of them through college on his own dime."

Steve gaped at him. 

"Maybe I should start at the beginning." Phil paused. Steve nodded encouragingly. "You probably know from Clint's file that his parents died in a car accident when he was seven. He and his brother were sent to live in an orphanage, but they ran away to join the circus a few years later. He was seventeen and performing as the Amazing Hawkeye when I accidentally caught his act. I went back a second night to prove to myself that it wasn't smoke and mirrors. He really was the world's greatest marksman. By the time I came back with an offer to join SHIELD two weeks later, he was gone and I never even got his real name."

Coulson didn't add that the two boys had run away from the orphanage to keep Barney Barton out of juvenile hall. Clint hadn't left the circus so much as they'd left him behind. He had tried to keep his brother's little gang from mugging one of the locals, only to have his brother nearly beat him to death before stabbing him in the gut. "John Doe" had snuck out of the hospital two days after the circus left town.

"He came back across my desk about 4 years later. Clint had managed to get his GED and enlisted in the army. He had just started officially training to be a sniper when the front of the Blackhawk he was flying in got hit by an RPG. Turns out he'd been spending a lot of time with the Blackhawk pilots, watching and asking just enough questions for them to humor him. With a dead co-pilot and a seriously injured pilot, Clint was able to fly everyone safely back to base."

The SHIELD scientists had never been able to explain how it was possible, but Barton could fly anything when given basic functional knowledge and less than five minutes at the controls. The fact that Clint had a true eidetic memory wasn't quite enough to convince Phil that this skill was anything other than extraordinary. 

"Barton had already applied to join Delta and he'd just made the cut when the Blackhawk incident happened."

Phil still remembered looking through the aptitude and marksman scores - both only slightly above average - for an embarrassingly long time before he realized that the tests had been perfectly executed to just make it into Delta without raising any flags. That the picture on file turned out to be the circus archer had felt almost anticlimactic. 

"The incident was enough to have several government agencies from the SEALs to IMF clamoring to scoop him up. I made sure SHIELD won, but it took a few months to sort it all out - the CIA played dirty by pulling in the Joint Chiefs," Coulson said with disgust. "By that time, Clint had been promoted to Sergeant and stationed in Afghanistan, given charge of a small squad. They'd been sent out to look for a group of Deltas that had gone missing when their captain called them back to base for no reason. Clint's squad had also been testing out new field radios that were spotty at best, so when they stumbled upon a group of civilians being forced to dig their own mass grave, they couldn't call in for new orders. They saved over two dozen civilians and were surprised to find the Deltas hidden amongst them."

"Wow...so he's always had a knack for finding trouble." Cap sounded equal parts amused and amazed.

"Always," Phil replied fondly. "Trouble was that his captain was a hard-ass who thought it was a better idea to threaten Clint with a court martial for disobeying a direct order instead of submitting him for another commendation."

Steve groaned. "That captain didn't do me any favors."

"That captain never got another field command and is currently running a small pig farm in the middle of Kansas," replied Coulson with bland smile.

"So you offered Clint a position with SHIELD instead of a court martial?"

"Actually, no. I got there three days later and Barton had gone AWOL. He let the civilians he'd rescued sneak him over the Afghani mountains into Russia - all with a bullet wound healing in his thigh. Within a year, rumors of a mercenary super assassin roaming Europe began filtering into SHIELD. A lot of people thought he was a ghost story - impossible shots made into armored moving cars or shots with no evidence of a bullet at all or a broken neck in an inaccessible panic room. Just something the gangsters in Europe made up to scare their minions - mess with me and I'll hire the ghost assassin to take you out kind of thing."

"I'm guessing they weren't just ghost stories. So how did you finally catch up with him?" Steve asked. "I heard a rumor that you shot him."

Phil laughed. "I can't believe that one's still going around. Did you hear it from the same person who thinks I'm an android?"

"Fair point."

"I got lucky. A little over three years after Afghanistan, Clint found out his latest employers were dealing in human trafficking. He blew up their base of operations and managed to drag five kids through the Russian winter to the French embassy. I swear we still wouldn't have caught him then if it hadn't been for the exhaustion, a bullet in his arm, four fractured ribs, and the knife wound in his other leg. I offered him a chance to clear his military record, use his skills for the good guys, and to fly anything SHIELD had available."

"The List started with those five?"

"Yes," confirmed Phil. "Katya, Peter, and Zoya were eventually adopted into good homes in the States. Victor and Alex were older, so they ended up in decent foster homes until Clint helped them get into college. Nothing too fancy, but Alex owns a small business now and you've met Victor."

Steve frowned in thought before his eyes widened. "You mean Victor from R&D?" Phil dropped his chin in confirmation. "He's...Clint's a pretty awesome guy, isn't he?"

"I think so, yes, but I'm more than a little biased," admitted Phil.

They let the silence stretch between them as Cap absorbed all the new information. 

"Can I help?" Steve finally asked.

"No, thank you," declined Phil politely. The List was something very personal to Clint and to Phil. SHIELD paid well enough, they didn't spent much, and keeping it to just their combined salaries allowed them to keep it personal. Even that had been a small battle with Phil only getting his way by moving both of their direct deposits into a joint account and daring Clint to argue why having a joint account wasn't a natural progression in their relationship. 

"I'll make sure Sitwell or Natasha includes you in the next charity donation drive if you'd like," Phil offered instead.

Cap nodded and looked over to the hospital bed. "Have the docs said how long they have to keep Clint sedated so those nano-thingies can do their work?"

Phil shook his head. "They're guessing 48 to 72 hours." Barton's body armor and Hulk's catch had minimized the damage, but it would still take time for the experimental procedure to heal the archer's battered body. Phil had been sedated for over a week after Loki. Fury had invented some sort of quarantine procedure that allowed Clint to be with him, while the rest of the Avengers continued to think he was dead. Phil always felt strange continually apologizing for it since he wasn't actually the one who lied.

Steve hummed thoughtfully. "I guess now is when I try to convince you to get some food and rest, then."

"Cap…" Phil started, but was interrupted by the other man pulling out his phone. Steve tapped a few keys, held it up, and then Clint's face filled the small screen.

"Start now? Okay. Phil - I love you, but we both know you're a stubborn bastard. I'm probably sedated and in a hospital bed, again, so take care of yourself, okay? Get some sleep and some food. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me. Cuz I hate seeing how you get when I do something stupid and end up in medical. And no, I'm not beyond asking Captain America to guilt you into it. Take care of yourself, please, and I'll make it up to you when I bust out."

Clint winked suggestively into the camera before the screen went black.

"Really?" Phil asked and Steve shrugged unapologetically. 

"We both know that he won't come out of sedation until the doctors bring him out, so you can be here when he wakes up. Until then, there's no need for you sit vigil alone. We're a team, right? Let one of the rest of us sit with Clint so you can take care of yourself like he asked."

Steve's words hit right on target and Phil couldn't help but feel warmed by the thought of the marksman going through all this trouble to coach Captain America on how to nag him to rest. He was just tired enough not to fight.

"Okay, you win. I'll be back in a few hours." 

Phil stood as Cap pulled out a sketchbook he hadn't noticed earlier. He brushed a small kiss across Clint's forehead before making his way to the small room they still kept at HQ. As he settled down to sleep, Phil let his mind wander back to the French Embassy covered in snow.

Barton had promised to think about his offer, so Phil had left him alone to call Fury. Where could he go? The man was injured and had two highly trained SHIELD agents standing guard outside his door. Coulson tried not to curse out loud as he returned to find both the agents and the archer gone. Buoyed by the lack of dead bodies in the hall, Phil went searching and eventually spotted the two agents standing by a different door two floors up. Neither agent volunteered an explanation and only motioned to the door at Coulson's glare.

Phil wasn't sure what he expected to find, but it definitely wasn't scene before him. Barton was sitting on the floor surrounded by the children. He sat with his back against the bed and two of the kids asleep by his head. He had a third cradled against his shoulder while the remaining two were curled on the floor with their heads pillowed on the archer's thighs. The whole thing had to be hell on his various injuries, but Clint looked content to stay where he was.

If Phil had to pinpoint the exact moment he'd started falling in love with this man, it was then. When Clint had raised his eyes to meet Phil's and in a small, lost voice said, "I need to know they're safe."

Phil never broke eye contact as he moved forward to crouch in front of the assassin and spoke. "Come with me. Join SHIELD and I'll help make sure these kids are taken care of for the rest of their lives." 

Clint had accepted his offer and it led them here. So no, Phil could never regret meeting his archer. Couldn't really hold himself responsible, because Clinton Francis Barton had been a hero long before they'd ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my headcanon, Clint is a BAMF with a heart of gold. Phil is the equally BAMF agent that loves and enables him.


	4. The truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm guessing you're not going to tell me why all the senior agents carry a pack of M&Ms in their field kits either?" Bruce asked with a wry smile. "Sitwell wouldn't comment on it except to shudder and say that sometimes, even Fury went out in the field."

Phil was awake again and dressed within four hours after leaving Clint in medical. SHIELD had trained him to exist on very little sleep and, to be honest, he had a hard time sleeping when he was alone. Predictably, Natasha was waiting in the hallway as he stepped out of their quarters. She said nothing to Coulson's raised eyebrow and only held up her phone in response.

This time, the message from Clint was short and simple. "You should know better than to cross Natasha, Phil. Love you!" followed by an exaggerated kissy-face and a loud smack of his lips. 

Phil knew well enough to admit when he's beaten and followed Natasha to the HQ cafeteria. He even acquiesced when she put an omelet next to the fruit bowl on his tray and dutifully ate every bite. As Clint had pointed out, it was never wise to upset the beautiful assassin. Natasha gave him a rare smile as they walked out of the cafeteria and left him to walk back to medical on his own with a promise to stop by within the hour. 

Coulson was surprised to find Bruce and Tony having a quiet discussion over Clint's bed. At least Bruce was being quiet. Phil was certain Tony's voice didn't have a volume any lower than not-quite-yelling. 

"Morning, Agent Coulson," greeted Bruce when he saw Phil.

"Good morning, Bruce, Stark. Thanks for sitting with him." 

"I only came in to ask Bruce a question," replied Stark with a wave of his hand. Phil wasn't sure if Tony was still trying to play the not caring gambit or if he was hesitant to take credit for something he hadn't done. 

"Not a problem," added Banner. "It was nice to get some reading in. Oh, and the doctors came by about a half hour ago."

Phil turned his attention to Bruce while automatically keeping Stark in his periphery. The man found it impossible to sit still, which Phil had more than enough prior experience to handle. Bruce was in the middle of relaying what the doctors had said when Phil caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. His head whipped around, eyes hard.

"Mr. Stark," Phil reprimanded. "I would appreciate it if you stopped manhandling Agent Barton."

"What?! I wasn't -" Tony denied even as he was dropping Clint's hand back on the bed. The man actually looked a little stricken as he continued to stammer and very small part of Phil felt a bad for overreacting. But Clint really didn't like most people touching him unexpectedly and he was laying in a hospital bed incapable of defending himself and Tony should know better after what happened the first time and yes, Phil was still feeling guilty for telling Clint to jump, so the death glare and snarled words were totally justified.

"I was just looking...Francis, really? I mean, id bracelets. Why do they even need...for Hawkeye? Like the staff doesn’t know who he is…sorry." Stark trailed off, looking apologetic for once.

"Tony," Bruce said into the awkward silence that followed. "Why don't you head down to R&D? I'll meet you down there."

"Um, okay." Tony fled.

"I don't think he meant any harm."

"I know," Phil conceded and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I probably overreacted."

"Eh, it's good for Tony to be reminded every now and then," Bruce said with a small smile before motioning to something against the wall. "Before I forget, Agent Hill dropped this by earlier."

Coulson looked over and bit back a laugh. Leaning against the wall was Barton's favorite Recurve. At least Phil had to assume that's what it was because only about 2 inches of the bow was visible. The rest was covered by a purple and black striped, cotton cozy. There were even small puff balls knitted around the open end at the top of the bow. Either Maria was the fastest knitter in the world or she'd already been working on it before the orphanage explosion. Clint was going to love it. The archer had pouted jealously over the midnight blue cozy Hill had left in office while Phil had been recovering from Loki. The cozy had fit perfectly around the backup handgun Phil kept in a drawer by the bed. 

"Is this one of those SHIELD things I really don’t want an explanation for?" asked the scientist.

"We all have our little idiosyncrasies," replied Phil.

"I'm guessing you're not going to tell me why all the senior agents carry a pack of M&Ms in their field kits either?" Bruce asked with a wry smile. "Sitwell wouldn't comment on it except to shudder and say that sometimes, even Fury went out in the field."

Coulson let his smile widen into a grin at the memory it conjured up. He didn't remember the exact turn of events that had led to Barton, of all people, going out on a mission with Sitwell and Fury as his support team. Clint and Jasper had both come back a little wild around the eyes. Phil hadn't understood why - it was a straightforward shoot, grab, and go mission - until he'd attended the debrief along with Maria. Clint had slammed an industrial sized box of M&Ms on the conference table, glared at the three most senior SHIELD agents, and commanded, "never again." Sitwell had responded with a relieved "Oh, thank God." Apparently, being stranded in the middle of the dessert with a director going through chocolate withdrawal was an experience neither of them wanted to repeat. Fury had then walked in and looked as close to blushing as Phil had ever seen him.

"You'll have to let Clint tell you when he wakes up," Phil eventually responded. Clint loved to tell the story, which Phil had originally assumed was widely embellished, until Jasper had actually backed it all up.

Phil settled down in a chair as Bruce stood to leave. He didn't realize the scientist was still in the room until he spoke again in a soft voice. "You know, the big guy was really worried about him." 

Phil looked up with a tilt of his head and waited for the doctor to continue. 

"I mean...I tend to wake up after with some of whatever residual emotion Hulk was feeling. Usually it's aggression or anger. But sometimes, when I know he's spent time with Clint, I get affection and, for lack of a better term, joy. Yesterday, it was fear. He was scared he'd lose Hawkeye - lose his only friend." Bruce paused and rubbed the back of neck as he searched for the right words. 

"I know this sounds strange, because we're the same person and yet we're not, but I have my own feelings of friendship toward Clint - he's a good guy. Hulk's are a different and separate. Clint's the only one that has ever treated him as something beyond a thing that's handy to have in a fight. And Hulk, for as little he's been around, understands enough to know this is rare and something to be cherished. So I thought you should know, for the future, in case he gets a little extra overprotective the next time we're assembled."

Phil could only nod once to indicate he'd gotten the message because, really, how was he supposed to react to knowing that Clint's tendency to make friends with children and small animals apparently translated to giant green rage monsters. He really shouldn't have been as surprised as he was.

The nod seemed to satisfy Banner who shrugged and continued. "You should probably also know that Tony's only had a little more sleep than you since the explosion. He's been in the lab making improvements to Hawkeye's field suit. That's why I'm meeting him in R&D."

Coulson frowned. Damn it, he was going to need to apologize after all. The other man shrugged again before leaving the room.

Phil waited a minute after Bruce left before he leaned over and placed his hand over Clint's on the bed. "Only you would figure out how to make friends with the Hulk. If Thor is ever successful in getting to Loki to rehabilitate, I'm not letting you anywhere near him."

He stayed like that - comforted by the warmth of the hand beneath him, the steady rise and fall of the archer's chest, and the regular beep of the monitors - until Natasha arrived. Phil left then, making up an excuse about grabbing files in his office. He made sure not to be gone for too long, knowing that Natasha could only handle seeing Clint in a hospital bed in small amount, but that she wouldn't leave until Phil came back. 

It was always harder for Natasha, than it was for Phil, to see Clint so weak in medical. It was Coulson's job, even before they'd begun any type of relationship, to take care of Clint. It was different for the two of them. Hawkeye and Black Widow were partners, equals when they were out in the field. They trusted each other implicitly to have one another's backs. But outside the field, it was Clint who played the role of protector. Always there to offer comfort or to act the fool when Natasha was too serious for too long. A type of goofy older brother. After all, Natasha was an orphan too.

There was a steady stream of visitors after Natasha. First was Thor who had to be reassured that he was, in no way, to blame for not catching Clint before the explosion. Sitwell came with Hill and earned himself a slap upside the head for laughing when he saw the bow. (He then wisely volunteered, at Phil's request, to drop it by their quarters for safe keeping.) Steve came by with lunch for both of them to eat in the room, while Steve confessed to missing Clint's cooking back at the tower. Bruce and Tony returned to argue over the protection vs. range of movement for Clint's new suit and to get Coulson's opinion. A few junior agents stopped by as well, interspersed between the Avengers, never staying long because they could only stay so comfortable in the presence of Agent Coulson.

It didn't quiet down until close to midnight, after Natasha had swung by on her way out of HQ. The doctors were waiting until early the next morning to bring Clint out of sedation, so Phil had expected Steve again, not Fury to prod him into getting some sleep.

The director had walked in, scowled, and then shoved his phone at Phil to reveal Barton's face laughing at him from the screen.

"I really wish I could be awake to see your face right now, babe. Go get some sleep." Phil wisely said nothing as he stood to leave.

The thing you had to know about Clint Barton was that he could be equally charming, threatening, and teeth-grindingly annoying depending on what the situation called for. The Barton that most people saw was a façade, a shield erected after years of pain to keep his true self safe.

The truth about Clint Barton was that, if you were one of the rare few who got to see the real Clint - the man who felt the need to protect all those weaker than him, who wanted to save every orphan in the world, and who believed deep down that good could really triumph over evil - you couldn't help but fall a little bit in love.

So it was no surprise to the man who was more than a little in love with Clint Barton to look over his shoulder and see Nick Fury, the hardest of all hard men, reach out in the dim hospital lighting and brush a lock of hair off Barton's forehead, a small, fond smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters ended up being a love note from Phil to Clint, so it's only fair for Clint to have his turn. Next chapter will be Clint's POV.


	5. The constant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They had never attempted to hide their relationship from anyone - their individual reputations was more than enough deterrent against any attempts to use the other as leverage.

Early in Barton's career with SHIELD, Phil had once complained that he spent way too much time waking up in medical. It was before he'd been Phil or barely even Coulson, when Clint hadn't been sure it was worth the effort to learn any names beyond 'sir'. In a rare fit of honesty, Clint had responded that it was more than he'd been expecting for years, so he considered waking up at all a plus. Coulson's eyes had gone cold and hard. The unbridled anger would have been frightening if Clint hadn't instinctively known it wasn't directed _at_ him, but _for_ him. It was a completely unexpected reaction and Clint was startled enough by it to decide that he should let himself trust Phil Coulson. The rest would take years because Clint needed to learn to trust and care for several others before he could recognize that what he felt for Phil was love...but that's a story for another time. 

On that day, Barton had promised not to take unnecessary risks and it was enough for Coulson. It had to be enough because they still worked for SHIELD and milk runs were typically relegated to other government agencies. SHIELD had been created to take the toughest jobs and top assets, like Hawkeye, got more than his fair share of dangerous missions. After being with SHIELD for over 12 years, coming out of sedation in medical was a feeling Barton was extremely familiar with.

Consciousness always came slowly as Clint became aware of his body and the stiff medical bed underneath him. Nat had scoffed at him when he'd tried to describe the specific way that the SHEILD medical beds felt different, but he always recognized when he was waking in HQ or the helicarrier or even some random hospital. Waking up in captivity was easy in comparison since that usually meant hard metal slabs or cold, wet prison floors.

Sedatives made every inch of him feel weighed down. Like gravity had somehow gotten heavier as he took stock of his current condition. But even this was familiar, almost comforting, until he realized that something was different this time. There was another sensation coursing through him. It made his skin crawl and Clint had to fight the rising panic in his chest. Then there was a weight on his hand and well known callouses underneath. Barton calmed down. If he was with Phil, then he was safe. 

"Clint…" came the voice he loved. "It's time to wake up now. Can you open your eyes?"

Clint opened his eyes to find Phil sitting next to his bed. "Hi," he croaked.

"How do you feel?" 

Barton paused, unsure of how to describe the feeling that had him in a near panic a moment ago. "Um...tingly?"

Phil sighed, but gave him a small smile. "Yeah. That will pass as your body gets used to having them in there."

"Them?" Clint asked, but already started connecting the dots in his head.

"Surprise," Phil responded with a wry smile. "You and I have matching nano robots floating around in our bloodstream. I was going to wait until our anniversary, but…"

Clint groaned. He loved this man, but Phil had a bad habit of making dorky jokes in tense situations. "Seriously, Phil. We've talked about the jokes. You're lucky I love you."

"Yeah," Phil responded softly. 

"C'mere." Barton tugged on his hand until Coulson stood and gave him a lingering kiss before helping Clint up to a sitting position. He handed over a cup of water and sat down at the edge of the bed.

"How much do you remember?" Phil asked.

"Doombots and…" Clint fought against the remaining fog from the sedatives. "the orphanage, Cassie and Brendan, jumping...and then nothing."

Coulson nodded. "The kids are fine. The fund was able to help find them a suitable new site for the orphanage along with replacing what was lost in the fire. Hill went down there yesterday afternoon and said everyone seemed to be settling in okay. Cassie was asking for you, so we'll make a visit down when you're healed up."

Clint smiled. After years of working together, it was automatic for them to give sitreps in the order they felt the other most wanted to hear. 

"The unexploded missile blew just as you were passing a window, so there wasn't much between you and all that shrapnel. Add pieces of the building to that and you get a concussion, bruised ribs and a broken arm." Phil glanced down and Barton noticed the cast on his left arm for the first time. "What caused the most damage was a small piece of shrapnel that found a weak point in the side of your armor. It tore through both of your lungs and nicked your heart along the way."

Phil voice was calm, almost clinical, but Clint could still heard the fear beneath the surface. He let his head fall back against the pillows. He should probably buy a lottery ticket. The whole series of events was beyond improbable and, unfortunately, the story of his life. 

The damage to his heart and lungs must have pretty bad for the SHIELD doctors to use the same still-experimental procedure they had used to bring Phil back from near death. Even a year later, Phil was subjected to regular testing to see what, if any, changes had been made to his body. The microscopic robots weren't expected to be dangerous, but there was no way to get them out once they'd been injected and no way to turn them off. They were designed and programmed to repair injuries. Phil hadn't turned into Captain America, but he did heal faster and regained some range of movement he'd lost from previous injuries. Everyone was happily surprise it had worked, but there were still too many unknowns for the procedure to be used casually. Phil had been the only human recipient, until now. Clint getting his share of nano robots could only mean one thing.

He turned his head and looked at Phil. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" 

"Using the procedure must mean that I almost died," Clint responded with a squeeze to Phil's hand. "I've been there and I'm sorry to put you through that."

Phil looked completely startled for a moment before he sealed his lips over Clint's in a short, but fierce kiss. He pulled away only far enough to rest their foreheads together.

"God, I love you," said Phil, voice rough with emotion.

Forget the lottery, Clint thought. He'd used up all his luck when he'd been given Phil Coulson. Phil was the man who looked death and destruction in the eye every day, but emerged still believing in heroes. He was the unwavering moral compass of SHIELD. Phil embodied justice and made you believe in it too. He was everything good that had ever happened in Clint's life. Phil knew everything about Clint and still loved him despite of it all, maybe because of it all. 

"I love you too," responded Clint and pulled Phil down for another kiss. Phil kept the kiss brief and Clint tried to follow, but was forced to lie back when his body violently protested the movement. 

"You're still healing," Phil reminded him. Clint pouted spectacularly and was rewarded with Phil laughing before bending down to kiss it away. It was then that Clint finally took a good look at Phil.

"You look rested," he grinned knowingly.

Phil scowled, but his eyes were filled with warmth. "Was all that absolutely necessary?"

"If it worked, then yes," said Clint, unrepentant. "Although I'm a little surprised they went through with it."

"I think you underestimate their affection for you. But did you really have to involve Fury?"

"Who do you think told me about your zombie act whenever I'm in medical?" Clint laughed at Phil's expression and then winced as his newly healed body protested. 

"Still healing," Phil repeated. "The little guys speed things up quite a bit, but you've got at least another day of bed rest and will be sore for a while after."

Clint tried not to creep out over "the little guys" before something else occurred to him.

"Stark's not pushing for access again, is he?" The one thing everyone had agreed on with regards to this new tech was that Tony Stark should never be allowed near it. Even JARVIS had agreed to thwart any attempts Tony made to replicate and improve the technology. Nobody needed a million or so nano robots to suddenly become sentient.

"Surprisingly, no," Phil replied. "He's actually been-"

Whatever he was about to say next was cut off when the man himself flounced into the room as if summoned by the mention of his name.

"Oh, good. You're awake. I need your feedback on-" Tony took a few steps forward before Natasha stormed in behind him. 

"Damn it, Stark. What part of 'give them some time' did you not understand?" She then brushed ahead of Tony and gently climbed into the bed with Clint. Natasha mumbled a soft "please don't do that again" into Clint's shoulder and he kissed the top of her head as a quiet apology.

Tony had stopped in his tracks by the door, clearly not used to seeing this side of Natasha, and was jostled out of his stupor when the other Avengers walked into the room. It looked like quiet time was over and Clint heard Phil sigh in resignation.

Barton only smiled at his teammates and let them regale him news of the past few days - from Hulk catching him after the blast, to Steve and Natasha's visit with the orphanage kids, Bruce and Tony's work on his newly designed suit, and Thor's new found love of Hot Pockets. The loud and rowdy chatter was comforting in its own way. 

Clint was then treated to round after round of visitors. Most of them, according to Coulson, were repeats from the day before, although some were new. Fury had waived Victor's lack of security clearance so he could visit Clint. He had already figured out that Bruce and Tony's sudden fixation on Hawkeye's field suit meant something was wrong. The young man looked like he wanted to follow Natasha's actions from that morning, but settled instead for gripping Clint's hand tightly in his throughout the visit. 

Phil was the one constant in the room and, as Clint reluctantly slipped into mid-day nap, he suddenly realized this was a reflection of his life. Phil was his constant. He was the one, unwavering point in Clint's life that he never had to doubt and would always come home to. 

Clint knew there were rumors and betting pools on whether he and Coulson were already secretly married. There was really no reason for them not to be. They had never attempted to hide their relationship from anyone - their individual reputations was more than enough deterrent against any attempts to use the other as leverage. And it wasn't like they didn't already act married. They had joint bank accounts (thanks to Phil), a massive loft with a view of Central Park (Clint), kids they were unofficially raising (Clint), and a vacation cabin in the Alaska (Phil). As sleep overcame him, Clint began to wonder which of them was holding the other back.

And when Clint next opened his eyes and found Phil's smiling ones, he realized that it didn't matter in the end. As much as he despised cliches and had stubbornly avoided near-death declarations of anything, he found himself unable to stop the forward progression of his thoughts. 

Clint reached for Phil's hand and asked, "Marry me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the ending wasn't too abrupt for everyone. I do plan on writing follow on stories focused on Phil and Clint's backstory, how they got together, etc. If there's something specific you'd like to see, let me know and I'll do my best. 
> 
> Yes, I borrowed heavily from Stargate for the nanite/nano robot idea. (Nobody sue me.) As I was writing this, it occurred to me that Tony Stark could totally have created the replicators! I probably won't ever write that fic, but anyone else is free to do so.


End file.
